im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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