dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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