Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
