We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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