covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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