I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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