her facebook's as public as her vagina
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
