so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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