Banned from zoo.
Again?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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