i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
