why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
