how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
