Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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