Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
