Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
