I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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