Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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