My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
