I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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