My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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