The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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