i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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