I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When are your genitals available?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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