i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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