I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
