i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it's like heaven, but drunker
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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