This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
