can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
