did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
