Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
