I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
