she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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