Are we in a gay sports bar?
well you can't waste a boner
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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