And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
