so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just had sex bonerless
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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