I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
