Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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