what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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