whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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