He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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