What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
