Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
