I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
