can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
