let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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