i don't like sucking hair
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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