Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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