I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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