I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
