haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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