dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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