We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i think im in europe. pls send help
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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