If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
