I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
