and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
