oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All the doctor said was why
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
