Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
