I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
