barbara walters just said penis...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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