so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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