just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
cat food counts as protein by the way
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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