So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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