Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
