im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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