erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
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