S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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