Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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