then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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