we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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